Time for another Ask Jana! I’ve been meaning to do this for a week, but traveling around with a cold makes me not typeable for whatever reason. No worries, I’m back. Proceed. (If I didn’t get to your question, I still love you).

John: Jana, why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

John, have you ever seen The Birds by Hitchcock starring Tippi Hedren? You would think I might be about to compare myself to the glamorous Ms. Hedren, but no. I am akin to the playground by the school in the movie…the one where it’s all awesome and perfect outside in the lovely Bodega Bay one minute and then you turn around and BOOM! Birds everywhere. It happens to all of us, this bird collection problem. Right?

This is me in Bodega Bay, doing my best Hitch profile.

Richard: What is the most important thing you learned in college?

I took a lot of great classes and had great professors at The University of New Mexico…I was a History major, Political Science minor, and an intern at KNME (PBS). I am not currently a history teacher, political scientist, or television producer, but all of those classes and experiences taught me how to research anything and everything…and to keep good tabs on my information. This comes in super handy in my booking agent work as well as my social media studies. I do rely on Wikipedia a lot, which was a big no no in Professor Spidle’s Historiography class but…oh well.

Kathleen: I missed the end of twin peaks. Who did it?

J.R. did it in a dream sequence, I’m pretty sure.

Ryan: Do you like documentary films and if so what is your favorite?

Yes I do indeed. I mostly only watch documentaries and shows starring Gordon Ramsay. I don’t know that I have a favorite, but I have enjoyed The Fog of War, Fahrenheit 9/11, and perhaps the one that got me most was The Parrots of Telegraph Hill. The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia is horrifying in that can’t-look-away style. I will watch anything about the following topics: aliens, 9/11 alternative theories, Moth Man, Amish kids running away from home, how candy is made, decaying cities, hauntings, or Mennonite kids pretending to be candy-making Amish kids running away from home.

James: If you could pick another instrument to learn (uke doesn’t count), what would it be and why?

I would love to learn the square neck dobro…but I would like Lloyd Maines to teach me and he’s a little busy. I also don’t have a dobro yet but I will one day. Piano is also on my list after years of refusing to learn it because my mom was suggesting I should do it. I’m sorry, Mom.

McSqueeb: What are your 5 favorite restaurants in Austin and top 5 in Albuquerque?

Man…so many good ones in both cities.

Austin: Madam Mam’s (Thai), Torchy’s Tacos, Kerbey Lane Cafe, Elizabeth Street Cafe (Vietnamese), and Home Slice Pizza.

Albuquerque: Los Cuates, Papa Felipe’s, Thai Tip, Flying Star, and The Frontier. These choices are mostly based on nostalgia, but I do love them. Oh, and Saggio’s because I used to work there.

Heather: What do you want for your birthday?

Warm fuzzies and a Vespa that runs on starlight and dreams.

Jeffrey: What is the one thing you really shouldn’t be doing while driving?

Probably anything but driving. I’m bad about finding something to listen to while driving…radio and iPod. That stuff is distracting. I have really tried to curb texting while driving because face it…I am not that important and COME ON PEOPLE STOP IT.

Chad: Why did I wake up with the urge to listen to Asia? And how do I make it stop?

It’s probably the same gene that makes me wake up with “Call Me Maybe” stuck in my head sometimes. The only way to eradicate it is to listen to Karma Chameleon. You’re welcome.

Kelly: What’s the one question no one has asked yet that you are dying to answer?

This is deep and made my brain hurt. If I told you, you all would just give up then, wouldn’t you?

Kristina: First movie you saw in a theater?

My sister took me to see Disney’s Cinderella (it was a re-release) when I was 3 or 4 maybe…it would have been in South Dakota. I was high on life that day.

Jay: Who is buried in Grant’s tomb?

“That joke is as old and stale as the air in Grant’s tomb.” – Susan

Heydon: If you could choose one mental illness to have for a day what would it be and why?

This is a brilliant question and I am afraid I will offend someone by my answer…though I’ve always wondered what the feeling of agoraphobia feels like. Some days I don’t want to leave my house, but most days I don’t feel right if I don’t go do SOMETHING….see some friends, go to the bank, anything. Sitting inside for years blows my mind…but I bet I could do it with Amazon.com and pizza delivery.

Jimmie Bell: How does one overcome being intimidated by the ordering process at fast food restaurants? The information is presented in a way to maximize profits, not provide clear choices. The photos are misleading airbrushed food porn. And the ‘person’ on the speaker has a nasty bark. Sigh.

I also hate to add to the fear but nowadays they’ve got cameras pointed right in your window when you pull up. Just sayin’. Anyway…I am a fan of having a clear idea in mind and not deviating from it when I order. If I roll up knowing I want to get a salad, I need to get a salad. This rules out the Baconators, Sons of Baconators, Double Whopper Juniors, Triple Asiago Mutton Chop Burgers, Quadruple Niece of Baconator Sundaes, and other things I might be tempted to get. ALWAYS REFUSE THE UPGRADE. You don’t need it larger, it’s already full of calories because it’s a fast food restaurant. Order with confidence because you are on the outside and they are on the inside of the fast food enterprise. You can get away and they can’t unless they crawl out that tiny window, so there is no reason to be intimidated.

Amy: How long before an uncut watermelon goes *bad* and how would you tell? What if it had been on someone’s kitchen counter for over a month, and they never got around to cutting it but because someone gave it to them, they felt guilty getting rid of it? Just hypothetically, of course.

I think at this point you might have fermented watermelon, and in this case I would suggest sticking it in the freezer for two hours, ramming a sturdy straw into it, inviting 6-8 of your closest island-themed friends over, have them sign a waiver, and have at it.

Victor: Why does all intellectual thought lead to chaos? All economists, philosophers, futurists seem to believe that civilization will descend into anarchy and starvation, but the human condition has improved dramatically for most of human history and certainly for all of the modern age. Can you explain this seeming contradiction between intellects’ thinking and reality?

I think maybe they forget all of the natural checks and balances we have in place like disease outbreaks, constant wars, and the weird fact that progress is in some ways killing us off. Our food supply is so messed up with all of our scientific meddlings that we’re all full of corn syrup. Our sedentary lifestyles are killing our communities and our bodies. Then some of us will inevitably make it through, realize what we messed up, and keep plodding along better than before. We are resilient if not psychic.

John: How far is “the long run?” Does one need to take a change of clothes before embarking?

It is as far as you make it. I have found that in the long run, people will offer you enough free t-shirts along the way (if you’re working it right) that you won’t need shirts. Pants, however…no one gives away pants. Take extra pants for the long run.

This gorilla needs long run pants.

I have never thought to check and sadly, we had Thai food for dinner tonight in Nashville. I bet I could find a box in the hotel trash, though…but I’m too scared to go digging. Anyone?