How to get into the Chateau Marmont:

1) Wear matching plaid shirts and sporty Adidas kicks.
2) Gaze in wonder at the magnificent beauty and gravitas of the hostess in the parking lot. Walk up and ask if you can get a drink in the bar like that’s what you’re gonna do.
3) Parking Lot Hostess Who Looks Like Queen of Spain will whisper conspiratorially, “Go in, just avoid the hostess stand.”
4) Go in, avoid hostess stand. Sit on fancy couch in dark lounge. Order drinks. Gaze at other patrons and guess which ones are screenwriters (most).
5) When Hostess To Avoid notices you and asks, “Have you checked in?” – swirl ice in glass to imply you are Paying Customers.
6) Hostess to Avoid will gasp and apologize for inconvenience. Continue drinking gin & tonic.
7) Pay $17 for gin & tonic, $5 for baby Diet Coke in Glass Bottle.
8 ) Upon leaving, two girls who have just been turned down by Parking Lot Hostess Who Looks Like Queen of Spain will ask you, “Were you just in there? Is it busy? She said it was.”
9) Apologetically say it was not and point them to this guide.

Here with Mandy Rowden to make some photo and video magic this weekend…we’ll try not to get kicked out of too many places.